Yes, I’ve changed. You do that to people.
My blind past-self, used to be a happy girl that lived in her own little world full of your “honest” love.
Every time you shouted at me or suddenly snapped me out of my happy world, you will call me all night, spoil me with gifts and even dedicate me love songs that were cheesier that you will ever be.
You made me believe that we were meant to be – that we were something special. I believed every single word you said. Not only the “i love you’s” but the ” i care about you’s” too. I ended up forgiving you. Every. Single. Time. For the last year and a half.
When you were in a good mood we will actually have fun. At least you seemed to have fun, and the fact that you were smiling made me smile too, because it showed me I was not doing anything wrong for you to get angry at me, for once. (If I only knew that for you I will never do good enough)
I was so in love with you.
As the time past, I got used to your “bad days”, I even convinced myself that the “good days” out weighted the bad ones.
We made so many memories together, however I never imagined that you and I will become one…
When you ended our relationship I was wrecked, because of your manipulative shit. You blamed me for not being good enough for you and for bringing whining and boredom to your life.
Now I notice how fucking messed up I am because of you. You changed me. But not into a better person like love supposedly makes us become. You converted me into a fucking hurt and angry and anxious and unloveable girl who can’t even start to understand why would I ever cry and beg to stay with an asshole like you.
I am not surprised though, because it seems as if I always decide to choose what will destroy me. This time, I chose you.
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